And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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