The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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