ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
