i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
