Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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