you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
