Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
