Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
