That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
