I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
