What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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