I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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