The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize