Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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