just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
