Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
