I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
