happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
it was like eating out sand paper
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
