I accidentally had phone sex last night
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
