I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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