I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
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Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
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I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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