u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize