Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
