Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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