yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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