I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
