So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
