She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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