Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Do you remember whose house we're in?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
