I wanna bring you to show and tell
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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