....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
40s are totally the cure
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
