You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
