You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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