Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
