Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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