i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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