If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
