i can't believe i had my finger in that
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
there is glitter all over my balls
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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