I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
