just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
