don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize