some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
