real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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