I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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