can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
