i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
