I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
