her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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