It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
