I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
