he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
