I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Randomize
