I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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