Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
that may or may not have been my penis.
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