I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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