My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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