haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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