its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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