man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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