When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
