oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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