what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
