It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
