I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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