We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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