Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
