you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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