"it" just moved
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
