Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
