i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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