i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
