Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
