so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
