i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
