Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
