I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
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My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
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I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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