Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
