What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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